It's picture time!!!

Here is my happy boy Trey Alexander :)

He is such a little cutie pie!!

Ryne at his Karate test in October-He is now a Master White Belt!!

This is my heart...

They are so cute!!!

My Boys and I :)

Our tired little pumpkin!!

We went to the Stone Mountain Pumpkin Festival today, and although it was very disappointing (we have gone previous years and this year was NOTHING like it used to be) we had fun and enjoyed our family time together. In the end that is ALL that matters!!!

Ouch!!

My head hurts. Really BAD!! I feel like crawling into bed, but I can't. Why is it again Stephan works nights? So he can be out when all the bad guys are-He loves his job so much-It's kinda cute. BUT I don't love being miserable!! And that is pretty much how I feel.

When I have a headache all can think about is more poor baby Trey. According to older people with Hydrocephalus, headaches are VERY common. I feel bad for Trey-he could have a headache every day and I wouldn't know it.

On the other hand Fall is here!! I am so glad for this weather and amazing cool temps.!!! My doors have been open and I baked cinnamon chocolate chip cookies-so my house feels and smells Yummy!! (Stephan's police department will be benefiting from this tomorrow ;)

I need some alone time with my husband-but I am too afraid to leave Trey with a babysitter. I will admit it, it has taken me 10 months of being with Trey 24/7 to understand what his cries mean and what he wants. Sometimes Stephan still doesn't know, he still chokes and stops breathing QUITE frequently and I am truly afraid something will happen. With Ryne it was I didn't think anyone can do as good a job as I did (and if they did Ryne wouldn't love me anymore) but with Trey it is a true fear something BAD will happen to him. I have to get over this!! I am so disconnected from my husband I am starting to prefer it when he is not home-AND THAT'S BAD!!!! I am really hoping Trey's appointment with his gastroenterologist will bring some answers as to why he stops breathing. I NEED answers. I NEED time without my kids. I NEED my husband.

I LOVE this giveaway!!

I found this great blogger-Mom Gone Witty while doing a search for Medifast ( A diet I will be starting soon, more to come later...) She is blogging about her journey on medifast, as I hope to start doing as well :) She has FIVE daughters-the Lord has definitely blessed her!!
Anyways she is doing a giveaway for the I SEE ME books, and they are WONDERFUL!! I have taken many virtual tours of the books and I am really hoping to win this giveaway-the book are SO CUTE!! Heck who am I kidding I will order one whether or not I win this giveaway ;) So check it out and enter the giveaway :-)

Another giveaway!! Free cloth diaper at Nicki's diapers-Check it out :)

MORE life decisions-Ugh!!!

Being an adult is hard-and I don't like it :) I want the carefree days where everyone else made decisions for me-whether I liked them or not...
I am having a HARD time deciding what to do. And this is serious for me. NO ONE can make this decision for me, and I am getting opinions on boths sides of the fence. But I am not at peace with either choice.

Should I go back to work or not? I know this is the age old question for many moms (some don't have an option-unfortunately), but I just don't know what to do!?!? I LOVE being home with the boys-I want to start all of this by saying that, and I LOVE them both with all of my heart and want what is best for them.

I don't feel like myself when I am a stay at home mom (SAHM). I don't feel like I am a total human being. I am a mom and housewife-what is left for me? When I am at work I feel like I am making a huge difference-slowly but a difference none the less. I worked for Department of Children and Families as a child welfare case worker. After the kids were found to be in need of services or removed from their home for abusive reasons I helped develop a case plan, and implement it with all parties involved. It was VERY HARD work and emotionally draining-but I felt like I was keeping children safe. It was important to me. If I had a full-time job we could move into a HOUSE get a 2nd car and really not have any financial worries. Right now we have one minivan, living in a 1300 sq. ft. 3 bedroom apartment-it feels like it gets smaller everyday ;) And although we are doin"ok" financially we are on a budget and have to watch where we spend every dime.
And I feel like my boys need me. Trey has many developmental issues, and lets face it he will not get the attention he needs in most daycare settings (and due to Stephan's profession and my knowledgeable background we don't trust people to take care of our children in their home.) When I worked full-time before Trey was born (I stayed home for Ryne's first year, then I went back to work) Ryne was in daycare from 7am-6pm-that is a LONG time to be in daycare away from his family.
I have looked into working part time but there are not real positions I feel are a fit for me.
My ideal situation would be to go back to school and either get my master's in school counseling or get a second bachelor's in elementary education (my current degree is Human Services), so that I can work in the school system. Ryne starts public school next year-WOW-and Trey would be 18 months so I have a feeling he would be okay in daycare. BUT it would cost about $5000. I am not eligible for student grants or loans.
This is just a hard decision. ANY thoughts are welcomed. Even if it is to tell me to stop whining ad shut-up ;)

Modern day letter to Santa!?!?!

Oh, the Holidays are upon us!! Well they almost are but when one son's b-day is November 18th and the other one's is December 16th, followed by Christmas-you need to plan early!! So Ryne came up with this idea to make a Toys R Us wish list. Where he got this I have no idea, but he said it would be his letter to Santa and for his birthday. I thought it was a great idea, mainly for my OCD organization-and it is SO HELPFUL!! Ryne made his wishlist (#28907017), and then helped make Trey's wishlist (#28946017)-who am I kidding after he saw me make the clicks to add to the list a couple of times he totally had it down and started adding everything he saw that was Spongebob or Batman oriented. The list MAY be out of control-guess I should go check it out....
Anyways I was just wondering if anyone else has done this for their kids (or their own sanity?) It may actually be helpful because most of our family lives far away and I always get the question "What does Ryne want for his birthday/Christmas?" Truthfully I rarely have any ideas. To me this is not begging people to buy him presents, believe me he would be fine if he didn't get any, he understands the holidays are about MUCH MORE than presents. He spends his allowance on giving to other people and every year we adopt a family for the angel tree, when he is older we will get more involved. He KNOWS it is about giving, but he has also been given presents for the past 5 years on these special days.
Anyways I think it is helpful, would you?

I need some pink in my life...

So I changed my blog background-You likey?? BUT I can't figure out how to change the title background or comments background-Guess I am only halfway computer literate...

I must give Thanks where it is due :)

I posted yesterday about Ryne's b-day party being in Orlando at the Nick Hotel. (seriously check this place out-it is AMAZING!!) With the plan of his party being Sunday and on Monday going to Sea World and Disney on Wednesday. I feel a HUGE thanks needs to be said to Stephan's parents Stephanie and Greg (known as Ene* and Papaw from here on out :)
We had priced tickets to all the parks, staying at the Nick Hotel (which to Ryne would be more fun than the amusement parks considering Spongebob is always at the hotel and they have rooms decorated to look like Bikini bottom-Have I said how IN LOVE Ryne is with Spongebob-Seriously I hear that show ALL the time in my house :) Anyways we had priced everything set money aside for budgeting this crazy expensive trip and were ready to go. Then came Ene and papaw saving the day :) They offered to pay for the hotel for Ryne's b-day present!! How cool is that!!!! Talk about a HUGE financial burden off of our backs :) And NO no one asked for the thanks, I am sure Ene and Papaw are doing all of this the SAME reason we are-to see the PURE joy and excitement on Ryne's face!!!
I just felt so appreciative of their giving-their love for my family (or should I say their son and his family) is quite inspirational ;)


*How the name Ene came about... In October of 2006 Stephan was directing school traffic and some IDIOT err I mean woman didn't see him and ran him over. He flew into the windshield and over her car landing a good amount behind her vehicle. Long story short-he needed knee surgery and was laid up in a hospital bed in our house for about 5 weeks. During this time Ryne was having his 2nd birthday. We had planned an Elmo theme and since Ryne was our first (and only child at that point) we had Elmo EVERYTHING!! Of course we couldn't do the planned party because daddy was unable to get around very well. So we had family and friends over to our house. Well Stephanie gets out of the car and starts walking up to the door and Ryne starts yelling very excitedly "Ene, Ene, Ene!!!" We have NO IDEA where he picked this name up. I am guessing by us just saying her name, Stephanie, but he had not seen her for SEVERAL months. AND he didn't start talking 'til he was about 16 months. So our genius child who had not seen his grandma in about 4-5 months and was barely speaking named her ENE-and it has stuck ever since. I am sure Trey will call her that since his brother does, but I wonder if Stephanie and Greg's other grandchildren will call her that also (I have NO IDEA when we will find this out b/c out of their 4 children we are the only ones CRAZY enough to have any kids-FOR NOW.....

I LOVE planning parties!! And other updates...

I know it's been a LONG time and there is not a ton that has happened, but here it is:
1) Ryne started soccer, and is REALLY good!! Once he gets warmed up and out on the field it is amazing. AND he runs the WHOLE game and is still not tired. He has some AMAZING energy-but after he plays a game watch out!! He eats anything he can find (that he likes of course :)
2) Ryne is in karate! He recently tested for the 2nd belt and he is officially a master white belt-whatever I think it is a big deal, and he is so proud of himself so that counts :) It takes 3 years-I think- to be a black belt, but that is something we are definitely gonna try and keep him in. He already learned a lot of respect, listening and focus-AND he keeps ALL karate moves to himself unless he is in the studio-YAY!!
3)Trey is over 27 lbs and more than 33 inches-He is a BIG BOY!! But he is totally proportionate so he is just as cute as can be. He wears size 2T clothes and size 5 shoes ;) I belong to a birth club, where there are A LOT of women and we all had our babies in December-and Trey has won the award for biggest baby on the board (which also means I have the biggest muscles on the board since Trey doesn't crawl or walk at all!!) There wasn't really a contest but I asked around and I say he won-so there ;) He drinks about 20 oz. of formula and 3 very small meals a day-this is completely normal, he is just predisposed to be a big boy-that's alright he can protect me :) I WILL have a house FULL of protectors ( a policeman for a husband, a black belt son, and a son as big as a refrigerator :)
3)We had our first ER trip for Trey. There will be MANY more to come, I am sure, but this was his first due to hydrocephalus. Trey had woken up from a nap, and I went to go make a bottle. Ryne always goes in there to talk to him and keep him from crying (Ryne HATES it when Trey cries ;) but as Ryne was reaching in to turn on the mobile, he fell in right on Trey's head. I walk in to a very ODD scream/cry from Trey and I look at Ryne (who had already quickly scrambled out of the crib) and he burst into tears also. I was so confused. Ryne immediately fessed up and the large red welt right next to Trey's shunt tube popped up immediately. I calmed them both down and "thought" everyone was okay. Later on the day Trey was so unbelievably fussy-nothing would make him feel better, so I took him to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta and was taken into a room and seen by a doctor within 8 minutes of arrival ( I LOVE that ER-and they LOVED i had nothing to do with respiratory problems. There were like 30 kids in the ER with masks on and Swine flu symptoms) But Trey was fine-just had a headache-YAY!! (we almost had to take him again on Saturday-Someone accidentally dropped him on hard red clay ground, but after some mommy love and Tylenol, he was all good :)
4)Trey started physical therapy and occupational therapy. He ACTS like he was a breech baby with club feet-his hips and ankles are very weak. This means he can't crawl and can't pick up his legs to walk. I asked his therapist if it is due to his size and she told me no, he is very strong-if he were limp then yes he wouldn't be able to support his weight. His joints are just weak. He is already learning and will be moving along in no time :) When he is older he will also need to go through speech therapy, he does not babble at all-the only noise that comes out of him is "ugh" So essentially I have a 10 month old who is the size of a 2 year old, but doesn't run away or yell/talk-Is this really that bad :)
5) Trey is not responding to his HEAVY dose of reflux meds, so we have a Gastroenterologist appt. on Nov. 5th-I will update later. Depending on what the GI doctor say we may have to see an ENT also-Trey is a heavy mouth breather and stops breathing at times, his pediatrician has always attributed it to his reflux and says he will grow out of it-But we are going on 10 months and it seems to be getting worse. So we'll see.
6)Trey is one of the HAPPIEST babies EVER!!!! He loves to play and laugh, and just be with all of his family-He is so loving it is amazing! He is definitely a lot of work, but his smile and laugh make it so worth it ;)
7) The boy's birthdays are coming up!!!!!! Ryne's is November 18th and Trey's is December 16th. They are both BIG birthdays this year so we are going all out! For Ryne we are going to Orlando to the Nick Hotel and having a Spongebob themed birthday. We are going to SeaWorld and Disney, and he is just SO EXCITED!!
For Trey's first birthday we are having a cupcake themed birthday :) YAY Cupcakes!!! It is a lot of work and custom ordering because MOST of the cupcake themes are for girls-but I will make it work and pictures are to follow. Oh I have designed and made some absolutely ADORABLE stuff!! I am so excited I LOVE planning their birthdays and seeing the happy looks on their faces make everything worth it!
Actually I guess a lot has been going on b/c this isn't even all of it, oh well I'm tired and you're probably sick of reading about my boys. But I think they are amazing and everything they do is newsworthy :)

Finally!!!

All the crying, sleepless nights, biting everything he could find-finally paid off!! On Trey's 8 month birthday his first tooth popped through!! It is so cute to have a baby with one tooth, and it is SO SHARP!! I let Ryne wash his hands and feel it and he looked really sad, I asked him what's wrong and he said "It is so sharp Trey is going to get hurt!" then he started crying. Ryne has the biggest heart of any kid I have ever met. He loves his family so much and if he gets in trouble or thinks someone may get hurt, you'd think his life is ending. This is cute yet overwhelming, many times :)
Later today Ryne used his smart words and disrespected me (I told him to clean up his veggietales game, and he said "Yeah right are you kidding me!!") I have let a lot of things he has been saying lately slide because, well it's funny! But I am defintley getting tired of my 4 year old sound like a disrespectful teenager, and I don't want it to go any further, so I sent him to time out. He is in there for a total of 4 minutes and the whole time he is frantically sobbing saying "My mommy doesn't love me anymore." "My mommy hates me." This breaks my heart BUT I know he is playing me and needs to continue with his punishment. So after he calms down and is quiet and his time is up, I go in there and talk with him. He told me "I will do whatever you want, if you promise to love me again." Where does this kid get this stuff!!! I find myself sounding A LOT like my mom and tell him I will always love him with all of my heart, and sometimes I may be mad, or upset with him, but I will NEVER stop loving him. He then had a HUGE smile on his face and said "YAY!! My mommy loves me!" He is so funny, I can't help but laugh and hug him as hard as I can. I will enforce the respect that he needs to give adults, but I am thinking somewhere he got the thought that when I am upset I stop loving him, so I need to work on changing those thoughts in him also. Maybe that will make it easier when I leave him to go run errands (right now we have total meltdowns, and he cries off and on the whole time I am gone.) This mothering thing is not for idiots, or sissies!!!

I hate hydrocephalus....

I have to vent somewhere. I know family and friends are there for me, but truly no one can really understand what I, as a mom of a baby with hydrocephalus, is going through. If I need them I have so many people to rely on and talk to, and I appreciate every minute anyone spends thinking of and praying for Trey, but being mom is different. I spend every minute of every day wondering how he is feeling, if Stephan and I made the right decision, WHEN are we going to have a shunt revision, is he going to develop "normally", will he have a "normal" active childhood....
There are nights where Trey only sleeps a total of 3-4 hours (and maybe 10 hours all day) and I think "Does he need to go to the neurosurgeon-is something wrong?" Then there are days when he sleeps 20 hours that day and I wonder the same thing. He never does the same thing one day to the next as hard as I try to keep his days similar. His eating and sleeping patterns are always different, I have tried all different kinds of schedules and he always alters them. I am NOT going to keep my baby from eating, and trying to keep him awake when he is tired is so hard on everyone in the house.
He is a beautiful little boy and for the most part he is happy. I am taking it one day at a time, but I can't help but think he is a little behind on the development spectrum. He sits for at least an hour playing contently and can stand, but there is no crawling, rolling, no first words yet, no teeth-At this age (almost 8 months) Ryne had met all of these milestones and surpassed them. I know it is not fair to compare my children, but come on-you try and not compare your two kids-Yeah right!!
Sometimes I feel so alone in taking care of the boys. I KNOW I am not but when it is you spending 20 hours alone with two kids it can be quite overwhelming. Ryne starts school in 3 weeks, and I will then enroll Trey in Gymboree classes so that will help break up the day. I feel so bad putting so much pressure on Stephan, as he already works so much so I can be a stay at home mom, I don't want to just throw the kids at him when he wakes up. But by the time he wakes up that is all I want to do, give him both boys and lock myself in my bedroom. But I don't and I won't.
I KNOW Trey will make at least one trip to the ER in his childhood, probably several more, so that does not worry me, it is just wondering if I will see the signs and get him to a doctor in time-That is SRESSFUL!!!!
I know this post is all over the place but so is my brain right now. I really appreciate having this media to get everything out, and I understand if no one wants to read this-It is just my ramblings of a worried mom :)
And no I do not want any comments on me being paranoid, and yes I KNOW Trey is a BIG baby. That is getting old-He is a 27 lb 8 months old-yes that is big and yes I know-Ryne didn't weigh that when he was 2. Trey does not eat more than 26-34 oz. a day and no more that 1.5 jars of food. This is NOT more than a "normal" 8 month old, he is just a big boy-THE END!!

I truly do LOVE all of our family and friends and appreciate all the support we get, but sometimes I need to get this all out, Please don't be hurt by any of this. It is not meant to offend anyone or minimize the help we receive. And I do LOVE my boys and would not trade them or my life for anything. Sometimes I just have off days (or weeks) :)

God works in AMAZING ways!!

A couple of weeks ago Stephan lost a detail that he had had for over a year. They decided to use an officer that lived in the subdivision, which is fine but there was NO advance notice and it was handled in a very negative way on their part. Losing this detail made us lose $560 and month. Which is exactly what we needed for me to stay home with the boys. I TRULY thought I would have to go back to work and put Trey in daycare, I was not ready for this and I feel he is not medically ready for this. He would benefit from interaction with other babies and adults, but I was so worried he wouldn't be watched closely and fall and hit his shunt or show symptoms of a malfunction and they wouldn't notice it.
Two days ago we found out Stephan will be getting one extra night in a detail he is working which will bring in an extra $120 a month. Not a ton but helpful, and possibly if he picked up some more odds and end details it would all work out, but I know we would both be stressed every day praying we would be able to pay all the bills, and pay for Ryne's private christian pre-k school. But I was still browsing looking at availabe jobs...
Then last night our prayers were answered and our stress is relieved!! Stephan found out he got two schools which are close to the house (he directs traffic for the busses to be able to leave with the kids quickly) which amazingly enough will bring in $1400 a month!!!! We are so excited and the best part is he will ONLY be gone for an hour every afternoon!! God has def. blessed us and made it possible for us to keep Ryne in the amazing Christian school and me to stay home with them-We are so relieved.
I will also be a little worried because when Stephan got ran over by a car almost 3 years ago he was working a school. It was at 6 am and rainy (these schools are at 2-3 pm) and it changed our lives in so many ways. Before the accident I trusted God had Stephan in His protective hand every day while he was working and never had a worry, after the accident I took all my worry from God and stressted every night. Lately I have realized I definitley cannot handle this burden and have been trying SO HARD to hand it back over to God. I truly think this is God's way of saying "Don'y worry, I got you."

We had some MAJOR fun!!!

We went to Florida for 2 weeks, long vacay I know, but Stephan needed it!! He was so stressed and needed to wind down. We spent a week in Fort Myers and then a week in the Keys, now that was fun!!
We went lobstering which was a blast chillin on a little dingy boat at 3 am in the open Ocean(well I was out til 12 on the last night but hubby stayed out for 6-7 hours one night) looking for any signs of a lobster so you can throw your net on it scoop it up and throw it in the bucket. It was all fun and games until you heard the noise of "cleaning" them (i.e. ripping their tails from their bodies-not cool.) We ate a couple of lobster tails there and brought 6 home for a yummy cook-out planned Sunday-wanna come???
One night I lost my title of STAY AT HOME MOM and went to Key West with Stephan, his twin Andrew, his wife Marie and Stephan's Aunt Lisa and Uncle Walt-I can't remember ever having so much FUN!!! First off this wouldn't have happened if Ene and Pa-Paw didn't watch my boys-so thank-you!! We were in Key West getting our drink on from 8pm-5am, needless to say I fell down some stairs made some new friends (why do men feel they need to rub their junk on you-again not cool) And had WAY TOO MUCH FUN!!! I have not had a drink for 8 years (well anything worth mentioning, I think every New-Year's I have one or two...) and I def. made up for it hehe!! My SIL Marie ROCKS and Aunt (er I mean sister) Lisa is so hot she can get anything she wants. Reality def. set in when Trey woke up at 8am ready for his day to begin.... Thank God Stephan didn't drink at all and I woke him up to take care of the baby, b/c had I stayed up I was going to barf :) No hangover, no throw-up =Good Times
With all of this fun we had I am def. glad to be home ;) This trip I relaxed and let other people help me with the boys, which I seldom do, and actually got some sleep -one day I slept to 1pm-shh don't tell other mom's with babies....
The boys had a great time also, but Trey brought back a bad souvenier-an ear infection (well it is actually called a distended ear), and upper respiratory infection-Poor baby!! His hurt cry is back and I haven't heard it since he recovered from his surgery, no sleep tonight I believe some cuddling is in order :)
Pics. later Stephan has to get ready for work so I get to hold Trey (he is kinda lethergic and snuggly so if I knew he wasn't hurting I would enjoy it.)

I am a slacker...I know :)

I have completley ignored my blog, Sorry!! I really had no idea so many people followed it, and actually cared :) What's new with us? Let's see....


Ryne, Trey, and I flew to Florida to surprise my Bil Matthew for his 21st b-day!! Trey did fantastic on the flight and Ryne had a lot of fun, until we started to land, then his ear hurt. All in all it was a great trip and I actually got some sleep. This was the first time since Ryne was born that I have relaxed and let other people help with the boys, and I actually relaxed. My stress was much lower than it had ever been during any trip-we had FUN!! Although Ryne was devastated when we realized he left Uncle Matthew's handmade birthday card at home-oops. But he was EVEN more upset when he learned that Aunt Megan would not be down there.


Trey is doing WONDERFUL!! It took approx. 6 weeks since his surgery but he has "normalized" and is sleeping great and eating perfectly!! He is an extremely happy baby and it is so different than the first 6 months of his life. He sits completley unassisted for quite some time, but he has shown no interest in crawling. He holds his own bottle and sippy cups. He eats about 26 oz. a day of formula and 1/2 jar of baby food 3 times a day (but if we skip the food he is fine too, he doesn't really care if he has it...)

We are taking Ryne to the pediatrician tomorrow, and we hope everything is fine. He has lost 3-4 pounds since November, and has begun getting bruises all over his body for no real reason. He has begun falling all the time but he bruises where he hasn't fallen. Him falling is weird in itself since he has never been that clumsy, but lately all I hear from him is "ow." We are hoping he is just getting taller and has low iron, and will be fine...we'll see-I'll update I promise :) I will have to post pics soon but Ryne found scissors, and cut a chunk of his hair off-It was hilarious and looks super goofy!!

On a very sad not we had to get rid of Colby. He was our first baby and we are all very sad. Over six years ago we got him from the Lee county pound, three days later we found out I was pregnant with Ryne. I was overwhelmed and thought we should take him back but he turned out to be THE BEST dog!! He was perfect around Ryne and was so smart-he behaved perfectly!! But lately he became aggressive towards the boys. I would be putting Trey down and hear Ryne screaming when I ran to the livng room Colby had cornered Ryne and wouldn't let him go anywhere. This happened a couple of times. And there were several times he would get into attack stance towards Ryne or Trey. He became very protective of Stephan and would bark at the wall, and got into EVERYTHING. All of this behavior was not like him and made me worry for Ryne and Trey. We made the decision to give him to the animal shelter for euthanasia before he hurt someone. It really has hurt our hearts and made us feel like we lost a family member.

We are leaving for Florida again in 6 days and will be there for 2 weeks! We will be in Fort Myers for a week then down to the Keys-YAY!!! It should be a ton of fun-pics to follow :)


I have rambled enough for now...Here are some recent pics-

***UPDATE*** We got the blood test results for Ryne and everything looks perfect!! Weird and doesn't make me feel tons better, but at least I know he is healthy. Doctor thinks he may have just hit a crazy growth spurt, and I think he may be falling all the time for attention. Trey has taken a lot of his attention away esp. since he has been through so much medically. So we will just keep an eye on Ryne and hope everything works itself out ;)

Staple removal successful!!

I know I haven't updated in awhile. We are still trying to decide what is best for our family as far as where to live. I think the reason why this decsion is so hard is because I LOVE change-I thrive on it, it keeps me feeling excited and new-I get bored VERY easily. Stephan hates it, he says we are doing well where we are now why change things. He thinks it is like tempting fate, and what if it doesn't work out. Well, we will just change whatever is not working (yet again more change.) He is so funny.... I even think he would prefer to move and misses his family SO much, but he wants us both to have secured a job, and a house (which makes sense) but he is making no effort to make these things happen. Plus the job situation in Floria is terrible, so he says he could get re-hired by the sheriff's dept. but is afraid I won't be able to find anything. I really wish I could just go back part-time, I don't think I am ready for full-time work-I'll miss my babies!

Trey had his staples removed yesterday. It was something I knew I wouldn't be able to see him crying like that so Ryne and I RAN out of the room!! Stephan was such a good daddy and held him and comforted him the whole time. I could hear the crying all the way in the waiting room-poor baby!! His head looks pretty good! He has actually grown some hair in the last two weeks so his scar/scabs are pretty much covered, you can just see the tube. And that will disappear as more hair grows!! He was in pain after we got home and slept on daddy for 3 hours (which meant a HORRENDOUS night for me) but it was so cute to see them sleeping together. I think he is still hurting today a little, and to top it all off I see a little tooth bud on his upper gums!! I LOVE BABY TEETH!! They are so adorable to have these little teeth and LOTS of gums :)

So here are some pics of Trey's head after his staple removal:

The incision behind his ear looks GREAT!!

Almost all of this dried blood diappeared after the bath!!!

He is so stinkin' cute!!

Edited to Add: Trey's head look even better after he got a bath!! They said to wash his head as you normally would, and I couldn't bring myself to do it, so yet again Daddy to the rescue :)

Life decisions...

This is tough. Stephan and I are kinda stuck on what to do and if the decisions we are making are the best for our family. On one hand we love Georgia. We love the seasons, parks are everywhere, schools where we live are GREAT, I LOVE living near my mom, and we have an almost rent free apartment that is bigger than a lot of houses.

On the other hand we miss Stephan's HUGE helpful family, we miss ALL of our AMAZING friends, we miss our church (can't find one we LOVE here), he actually got paid more (or close) in Fl., I want to teach and there are programs in Fl which would make it SO EASY for me to get my certificate (my ultimate goal is to get my master's and be a guidance counselor, Fl has the fastest track for me to do that). We have looked at homes in Fl (there are so many affordable foreclosures) but unfortunately due to prior wrong choices we have made, we can't get approved to buy a house right now (this is actually the MAIN reason we aren't packing right now) and we know the rental situation down there and it is not as good as where we are at right now.

We just don't know what to do. It is times like this when being an adult and responsible for other people's lives basically sucks :(

ANY Advice is welcome....

Off to buy a rocking chair...

I haven't blogged since the surgery, I really haven't felt like it or had the energy. This recovery is hard, on the whole family. Trey is in pain and makes it quite obvious, my heart breaks for him. I am told every day it should get better and better, yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. Trey cried all day and slept a total of 5 hours in 24 hours. We were both exhausted and I could not make him feel better. Stephan was sleeping because he was supposed to go to work at night( I had to veto that idea-I NEEDED help) but it actually worked out well. He stayed up all night so I could sleep and he could take care of Trey. Ryne has been great. My mom had him for 3 days (Wed., Thurs., and Fri.) so Stephan and I could focus on Trey's recovery (thanks Randma!!). By the 3rd night he wanted his mommy and was becoming a little difficult. I went and picked him up and brought him home, he has been doing very well. He is not getting a lot of attention and I am constantly telling him we have to keep things quiet and calm (not very easy for a 4 year old, well at least this four year old.)

Today has actually been a lot better, Trey is only crying when he needs to go to sleep-this is where the rocking chair comes in. There was on in the hospital room, and Stephan and I realized what we had been missing out on. He was so much easier to put to sleep and keep asleep. My back is constantly going out from bouncing him to sleep, so we NEED to invest in a rocking chair/glider. I figure it is the cost equivalent to 5 chiropractor appointments (and I have already been 3 times) so we have to figure out how to budget it in. I can't let Trey cry it out and put himself to sleep b/c he holds his breath ( and now tries to pick at his staples) so we are left to bounce/sway him to sleep and then put him down. If anyone has suggestions we are all ears!!

We are continuing to pray that Trey continues to heal and gets better every day, and that Ryne remains as understanding as he possible can. We are scheduled to get the staples out of his head and behind his ear in 2 weeks (this is an appointment I def. can not be in the room for so Stephan is taking the lead on this one...) We truly thank everyone for their continued prayers and support!!

Unrelated-Ryne will be starting soccer in August-this boy LOVES to run so we hope this is a good fit for him :)
BTW: I will post pics later, my camera broke so I am using one we found around the house and now I need to find a memory stick adaptor...Stay tuned.

Not good news from the neurosurgeon...

It looks like our beautiful little boy will be having surgery this week. His head growth is not slowing down and is on no type of curve, the line where they connect all measurements is straight up. This means Trey is not absorbing the fluid on his brain as he should be. He will be getting a shunt put in Thursday (this is the day the doc. told us-we are still waiting on confirmation) Trey will spend the night at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta (hopefully only one night) then home we go. Right now we need prayers for Trey through the surgery (they are going to drill a hole in his skull and insert a catheter then run tubing to his abdomen so he can pee out the extra fluid) and especially after the surgery. Infection and re-shunting is common and we are praying that is something we don't have to face. We were also told Trey will not be allowed to play football (hello have you seen this kid-he is meant to be a football player) or any type of contact sport. This catheter will be in his skull for the rest of his life, he def. needs it 'til he is at least 2 then at that point there is too much scar tissue and if we try to remove it his brain will bleed. My glimmer of hope is this surgery will relieve all the pain he is in and he will become the happy baby I KNOW he is!!
So this is all we know for now. I will keep everyone updated. Thanks for the prayers....

Glad to be home!!

I went to Chicago for four days to meet a group of girls I met online. We all have babies born in December and we all "met" while we were pregnant and felt it was time to meet in person. It was a lot of fun! I loved getting to meet these girls who I have shared EVERYTHING with for the past year and all of the babies are adorable!!! Although Trey looks like he could eat any of the babies for lunch (he is so much bigger than the tiny babies, oh how I miss the days when my baby was only 14-16 lbs...) I guess it is fitting since I am like twice the size of the other moms.

I missed Ryne so much!! I felt like he didn't miss me since he never called, but considering the fact that since I got home he has not left my side I now it is not true. His Ene (my mother-in-law) came to take care of him for me since Stephan works nights-someone has to sleep in the house with him at night, I hear you can get in a lot of trouble if you leave a 4 year old alone at night. Unfortunately she became ill and left early, but Ryne had fun with his Ene and Papaw.

I missed a very big day in Ryne's life while I was gone: His final t-ball game and the trophy ceremony. I was very sad but I didn't know the t-ball plans until I had already booked my flight for Chicago. Here are some pics Ene took of my little cutie pie!!!

His little trophy, given to him by daddy

This is how a 4 year old "slides" into home plate-too cute!!!

He is a serious pitcher!!

Woo-Hoo!!

It was just confirmed I have a Ryne sitter so I can go to Chicago and not worry about him-Thanks Ene!!! Ryne is so excited to see his Ene, although he is DEMANDING his Aunt Megan come too-so girl, plan accordingly :)

We went to Ryne's end of the year program at school today and it started out horribly but then went really well!! As soon as I walked in the doors to school I was bombarded with ladies who wanted to see, aka coo, at Trey. I used to work at this Christian school so they were there for me throughout my pregnancy and have been awesome support for me and my family. Anyways Trey starts his scared cry so I pick him up, then the horribleness (is that a word? well after this situation it is) began. His butt had exploed EVERYWHERE!! He had poop on his clothes, his carseat, his blankie, his toy monkey, the hanging toys from the handle-it was everywhere! So I went to clean him up and after practically a whole box of wipes I bent over to get a clean diaper out of the diaper bag and he then pees EVERYWHERE!! He has not done either of these things so I was pretty shocked and embarassed. Oh well, right!?! He is a baby and babies poop... We cloth diaper and I have never experienced anything like this, then again he is sick so his poo was not normal. Okay thats enough I am gonna puke-it was really bad :)

So we saw Ryne sing and it was adorable, he definitley likes to be the center of attention ;)

Trey has a doctors appt. tomorrow-he has been really congested and is wheezing and his inhaler is empty so we are making sure he is healthy, so we don't infect any of the sugarbabies in Chicago :)

THEN.....I finally get my hair done-I am so excited (it has been 9 months since a trim and 3 years since a style-I am way overdue :)

I am having major insecurities lately and feel like I am doing everything wrong and am unworthy of all I am blessed with, so that is what I am working on now...Wish me luck ;)

Yesterday was not so sane....

First off Stephan left for work as normal at 10 pm on Monday night, he got home at 8am Tuesday, took care of Colby then had to go to court for some jury trial of an idiot. Trust me this guy was an idiot and there is no denying it-he said he wanted a jury trial because he could, he said he knew he wouldn't win he just wants to "waste everyone's time." So Stephan was gone at court til 6 pm Tuesday night-yes thats right he worked 20 hours straight. And in his insanity he thought he would sleep 3 hours then go back to work-that took a lot of shall we say.... persuasion to get him to realize that although he is Super Dad he still needs sleep. So to bed he went.

This meant I had to take the boys to T-ball. Up until after 5 pm Ryne did not want to go he said "I want to stay home and relax with my brother." So T-ball dropped of my to-do list, until 5:30pm (T-ball starts at 6 and is 30 min. away.) This would have been fine EXCEPT I have a baby. So I rushed around getting Ryne dressed, changng Trey and getting him dressed, preparing bottles-just in case, and trying to put on a little make-up so I don't look like I have a baby. Get the boys loaded and off we go.

We arrive 15 min. late and Ryne was asleep-Trey was wide awake playing with a stuffed monkey. I wake Ryne up put on his cleats and think "I can do this." Ummm-not so much!! The crying begins, no not from my 4 month old but from my 4 year old. He is hysterical crying saying he doesn't want to go to T-ball and he wants me to hold him. So I put the babies seat on the stroller, attach the diaperbag, grab the sports bag and pick Ryne up. I am CARRYING Ryne and *trying* to push Trey onto the field through the rocks. Ryne has a complete meltdown says his tummy hurts and wants to go home. I try to coax him into staying and we spend about 35 min. there , with me carrying Ryne and trying to keep Trey happy. I decide this is not going to happen. So I load my screaming boys up-yes at this point they are both screaming crying.

Trey has this "cry" that makes you think he is dying, it really breaks my heart but he did not want to be in his carseat-and frankly that is the only safe way to travel :) Ryne calmed down as he gets in his seat so now only Trey is crying. About 12 min. from the field I lost it and said something I am so not proud of to Ryne-I can't beleive it came out of my mouth. I told him he was the reason Trey was so upset and crying, that Trey wanted to stay at t-ball and get out of the car seat. Ryne began to cry again saying he needed to go to t-ball, he didn't want his brother upset, I began apologizing profusely and can't believe I said what I did. I knew Ryne and Trey have this bond and it would break Ryne's heart.

I finally calm Ryne down, Trey passes out and I wonder what kept me from driving off the overpass. I am not sure I should tell everyone but I want this to be an HONEST look into my life so I will say I am on Lexapro for post-partum depression. With all of Trey's medical issues and him just generally being a not so happy baby I started taking all of my stress out on Ryne. I have never been a mean mom I have always had so much patience for Ryne so I knew something was wrong, called my doctor and went on Lexapro. I believe that medicine saved Trey, Ryne, and my life last night. I was at my breaking point and I am not sure how I made it through. I felt I had no one to call, and no one would understand.

Today was better-I feel like I am recovering from being in an emotional car-wreck, and tomorrow will be so much better. Ryne has his end of the year program at school and is so excited to be singing on stage, life will be back to normal soon.....

Brotherly Love

Yesterday's blog made me sad. It made me think Trey is so much more than just a sick baby-he is the light of my life-well along with Ryne :) We are still working on my theory as to why Trey seems to get sick a lot, I will keep you upated.

I LOVE my kids!! They are so great and I am going to miss Ryne so much when I am in Chicago for 4 days. Luckily I have a lot of family support so I know he will be in good hands...once we figure out whose hands ;)-More on that later.

Ryne is in love with his brother and wants to "play" with him 24/7, and whenever Stephan or I are feeding him or changing him Ryne makes sure to tell us "just leave Trey here-I will take care of him!!" And EVERYTIME Trey sees Ryne his face lights up in the most beautiful smile. If you are a FTM or only have one child you won't understand this 'til it happens but when it does you begin to think you are doing something right. It makes me feel that in a world with so much negativity and hatred I am raising positive children who will change the world for the better. Maybe this is idealistic but it def. gets me through the day. Seeing your children love each other is quite possibly one of the most gratifying experiences in life. Don't get me wrong I know at one point in their lives they will fight like all siblings do (I am speaking from experience, my little brother was my punching bag and took the blame for everything I could think of) but when push comes to shove they will love each other and have each other's back!! Right now I KNOW my brothers would do ANYTHING for me-and that is a great feeling!!






This is playday at my house-Ryne brings all of Trey's toys to the living room and enetertains him for about an hour:
This is what I see throughout the playtime:

Aren't they beautiful!!

When do you call the doctor?

With Ryne I had a sixth sense. SOME people thought I was out of my mind and way too paranoid but I knew when he needed to go to the doctor. And lo and behold every time we went he either had an ear infection or some type of respiratory infection.


Stephan has never needed to go to the doctor (well he has but he is a MAN and refuses-what can I do with that...)


Colby goes to the doctor when he eats a whole bag of lollipops (which he has done twice-thanks Ryne!!) or a BOX of Cinnamon Toast Crunch (yet again thanks Ryne :) I believe I have a dog with a sweet tooth-what do you think?


Trey is a whole other story-he confuses the hell out of me!! So far when I take him he just has a "cold" and there is really nothing we can do except for saline drops, humidifier blah blah blah. It really doen't help that he has an older brother that brings home all kinds of cooties from school.


But for the past week he has been sick. Full of mucus, low grade fever, recent diarrhea, crankiness, and he is so tired. So do I take him to the doctor? He HATES the doctor! As soon as we walk in the crying begins and it doen't stop 'til we are at the desk paying-seriously he already knows where we stop before leaving and that is when he begins to calm down. Trey is a difficult child to figure out. It doesn't help that he has hydrocephalus (water on the brain) which they are hoping he will grow out of, but this makes me a little more paranoid that every symptom is a "sign" the pressure on his brain is increasing. But he also has tummy issues, and we still haven't found the "perfect" formula. And yes this does help me to hate myself a little every day for not being able to breastfeed. But he is Very gassy, has reflux, and spits up a TON, and is just uncomfortable about 80% of the time. I hate that for him, and it makes me so heartbroken that I can't make him feel better.

So does he go to the doctot or do I keep him as happy and comfortable as possible and "wait" this bug out? I hate it when my babies are sick-all four of them.

Edited to post: I think I may have figured out one of Trey's problems, so I will let you know if I am right....or wrong. But for now it is a secret so I don't embarass myself :)


Here are some pictures of Trey awaiting his MRI (not the happiest day of my or his life)











Holy Cleavage Batman!!!


He finally passed out from all the crying and not being able to eat for 7 hours!

He is too smart!!

Or maybe I am too dumb, whichever it is I am raising a genius! No Not Ryne, although he is extremely intelligent, I can still trick him into doing whatever I want. I am talking about my chunky monkey Trey. Lets start by saying he is a BIG boy! At birth he was 7 lbs 8 oz and 18.5 inches, at his 4 month check-up my monster weighed 19lbs 8 oz and 27 inches!! So let me tell you my 4 month old is *about* the size of a 9-12 month old. Have I mentioned lately that my back hurts and I can beat any of you in arm wrestling. But I digress...


I was told by my pediatrician that Trey is healthy and a good size and should not be eating any more than 36 oz a day. Wouldn't you know my hungry baby eats about 40 oz, so I get this bright idea to eliminate one of his middle of the night feedings. He eats at 8:30pm goes to bed, eats again at 3am goes right back to sleep, then he eats again at about 5 am is up for an hour then eats again at 7:30-8 am. So I figure lets erase the 5am feeding, now this is not to increase my sleep but to ensure I don't have a 50lb one year old.


So I get his bottles ready for the night BUT I put 1/2-1 oz less in his bottle. Trey did not like that. This just goes to prove he eats because he is hungry NOT out of habit. He knew he was not full and screamed until I gave in and gave him the extra 1/2-1 oz. His tummy said give me 5 oz or I will make your ears bleed. Have you ever heard a baby cry at 3am-it is 40 times louder than during the day. So he still gets 40 oz and I will just have to start working out more.


How lucky am I that Stephan works at nights.....

I leave you with these pictures (I happen to love his chubby cheeks)

I do have to give props to Spiderman....

If you could see us now...

Well thanks to this blog you can!
Here are some random pics. Enjoy the cheesiness!!


I need ONE MILLION DOLLARS!! HAHAHA


Isn't he such an angel!?!

This one didn't turn out so well on the computer, but trust me-we are GORGEOUS!!

The Beginning....

My virgin post-aahhhh! I can't believe I am now apart of the bloggers, I swore I never would. Not for any reason other than I *think* my life is too boring for people to care about. But I have come to the comclusion if you are bored-DON'T READ IT!! I LOVE my Boys and some days they are so amazing I need to share it with anyone who cares.

My Husband is the best man on Earth-I am sure there are more I just don't know them-hehehe!
Ryne Carter is my first son-the light of my life, in many ways I think he saved my life. And our newest boy Trey Alexander is so amazing and such a gift from God. He has already faced so many *issues* and is still so perfect-I am sure you will hear more stories about that later.
I am not sure if I can keep this blog up, we will see. I am a SAHM for my boys (although Ryne is in preschool) and I love it. Stephan is thinking I should go back to work so we can get a bigger place, but I will gladly sacrifice space to be with Ryne and Trey all day.
Oh and there is Colby-he is 5 and a GREAT dog!! He is intimidating to look at, but he is great with the kiddies (don't get me wrong, if you break into my house he WILL eat you.)

So that is my little family-welcome to our journey :)