Monday, August 17, 2009


All the crying, sleepless nights, biting everything he could find-finally paid off!! On Trey's 8 month birthday his first tooth popped through!! It is so cute to have a baby with one tooth, and it is SO SHARP!! I let Ryne wash his hands and feel it and he looked really sad, I asked him what's wrong and he said "It is so sharp Trey is going to get hurt!" then he started crying. Ryne has the biggest heart of any kid I have ever met. He loves his family so much and if he gets in trouble or thinks someone may get hurt, you'd think his life is ending. This is cute yet overwhelming, many times :)
Later today Ryne used his smart words and disrespected me (I told him to clean up his veggietales game, and he said "Yeah right are you kidding me!!") I have let a lot of things he has been saying lately slide because, well it's funny! But I am defintley getting tired of my 4 year old sound like a disrespectful teenager, and I don't want it to go any further, so I sent him to time out. He is in there for a total of 4 minutes and the whole time he is frantically sobbing saying "My mommy doesn't love me anymore." "My mommy hates me." This breaks my heart BUT I know he is playing me and needs to continue with his punishment. So after he calms down and is quiet and his time is up, I go in there and talk with him. He told me "I will do whatever you want, if you promise to love me again." Where does this kid get this stuff!!! I find myself sounding A LOT like my mom and tell him I will always love him with all of my heart, and sometimes I may be mad, or upset with him, but I will NEVER stop loving him. He then had a HUGE smile on his face and said "YAY!! My mommy loves me!" He is so funny, I can't help but laugh and hug him as hard as I can. I will enforce the respect that he needs to give adults, but I am thinking somewhere he got the thought that when I am upset I stop loving him, so I need to work on changing those thoughts in him also. Maybe that will make it easier when I leave him to go run errands (right now we have total meltdowns, and he cries off and on the whole time I am gone.) This mothering thing is not for idiots, or sissies!!!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

I hate hydrocephalus....

I have to vent somewhere. I know family and friends are there for me, but truly no one can really understand what I, as a mom of a baby with hydrocephalus, is going through. If I need them I have so many people to rely on and talk to, and I appreciate every minute anyone spends thinking of and praying for Trey, but being mom is different. I spend every minute of every day wondering how he is feeling, if Stephan and I made the right decision, WHEN are we going to have a shunt revision, is he going to develop "normally", will he have a "normal" active childhood....
There are nights where Trey only sleeps a total of 3-4 hours (and maybe 10 hours all day) and I think "Does he need to go to the neurosurgeon-is something wrong?" Then there are days when he sleeps 20 hours that day and I wonder the same thing. He never does the same thing one day to the next as hard as I try to keep his days similar. His eating and sleeping patterns are always different, I have tried all different kinds of schedules and he always alters them. I am NOT going to keep my baby from eating, and trying to keep him awake when he is tired is so hard on everyone in the house.
He is a beautiful little boy and for the most part he is happy. I am taking it one day at a time, but I can't help but think he is a little behind on the development spectrum. He sits for at least an hour playing contently and can stand, but there is no crawling, rolling, no first words yet, no teeth-At this age (almost 8 months) Ryne had met all of these milestones and surpassed them. I know it is not fair to compare my children, but come on-you try and not compare your two kids-Yeah right!!
Sometimes I feel so alone in taking care of the boys. I KNOW I am not but when it is you spending 20 hours alone with two kids it can be quite overwhelming. Ryne starts school in 3 weeks, and I will then enroll Trey in Gymboree classes so that will help break up the day. I feel so bad putting so much pressure on Stephan, as he already works so much so I can be a stay at home mom, I don't want to just throw the kids at him when he wakes up. But by the time he wakes up that is all I want to do, give him both boys and lock myself in my bedroom. But I don't and I won't.
I KNOW Trey will make at least one trip to the ER in his childhood, probably several more, so that does not worry me, it is just wondering if I will see the signs and get him to a doctor in time-That is SRESSFUL!!!!
I know this post is all over the place but so is my brain right now. I really appreciate having this media to get everything out, and I understand if no one wants to read this-It is just my ramblings of a worried mom :)
And no I do not want any comments on me being paranoid, and yes I KNOW Trey is a BIG baby. That is getting old-He is a 27 lb 8 months old-yes that is big and yes I know-Ryne didn't weigh that when he was 2. Trey does not eat more than 26-34 oz. a day and no more that 1.5 jars of food. This is NOT more than a "normal" 8 month old, he is just a big boy-THE END!!

I truly do LOVE all of our family and friends and appreciate all the support we get, but sometimes I need to get this all out, Please don't be hurt by any of this. It is not meant to offend anyone or minimize the help we receive. And I do LOVE my boys and would not trade them or my life for anything. Sometimes I just have off days (or weeks) :)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

God works in AMAZING ways!!

A couple of weeks ago Stephan lost a detail that he had had for over a year. They decided to use an officer that lived in the subdivision, which is fine but there was NO advance notice and it was handled in a very negative way on their part. Losing this detail made us lose $560 and month. Which is exactly what we needed for me to stay home with the boys. I TRULY thought I would have to go back to work and put Trey in daycare, I was not ready for this and I feel he is not medically ready for this. He would benefit from interaction with other babies and adults, but I was so worried he wouldn't be watched closely and fall and hit his shunt or show symptoms of a malfunction and they wouldn't notice it.
Two days ago we found out Stephan will be getting one extra night in a detail he is working which will bring in an extra $120 a month. Not a ton but helpful, and possibly if he picked up some more odds and end details it would all work out, but I know we would both be stressed every day praying we would be able to pay all the bills, and pay for Ryne's private christian pre-k school. But I was still browsing looking at availabe jobs...
Then last night our prayers were answered and our stress is relieved!! Stephan found out he got two schools which are close to the house (he directs traffic for the busses to be able to leave with the kids quickly) which amazingly enough will bring in $1400 a month!!!! We are so excited and the best part is he will ONLY be gone for an hour every afternoon!! God has def. blessed us and made it possible for us to keep Ryne in the amazing Christian school and me to stay home with them-We are so relieved.
I will also be a little worried because when Stephan got ran over by a car almost 3 years ago he was working a school. It was at 6 am and rainy (these schools are at 2-3 pm) and it changed our lives in so many ways. Before the accident I trusted God had Stephan in His protective hand every day while he was working and never had a worry, after the accident I took all my worry from God and stressted every night. Lately I have realized I definitley cannot handle this burden and have been trying SO HARD to hand it back over to God. I truly think this is God's way of saying "Don'y worry, I got you."

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

We had some MAJOR fun!!!

We went to Florida for 2 weeks, long vacay I know, but Stephan needed it!! He was so stressed and needed to wind down. We spent a week in Fort Myers and then a week in the Keys, now that was fun!!
We went lobstering which was a blast chillin on a little dingy boat at 3 am in the open Ocean(well I was out til 12 on the last night but hubby stayed out for 6-7 hours one night) looking for any signs of a lobster so you can throw your net on it scoop it up and throw it in the bucket. It was all fun and games until you heard the noise of "cleaning" them (i.e. ripping their tails from their bodies-not cool.) We ate a couple of lobster tails there and brought 6 home for a yummy cook-out planned Sunday-wanna come???
One night I lost my title of STAY AT HOME MOM and went to Key West with Stephan, his twin Andrew, his wife Marie and Stephan's Aunt Lisa and Uncle Walt-I can't remember ever having so much FUN!!! First off this wouldn't have happened if Ene and Pa-Paw didn't watch my boys-so thank-you!! We were in Key West getting our drink on from 8pm-5am, needless to say I fell down some stairs made some new friends (why do men feel they need to rub their junk on you-again not cool) And had WAY TOO MUCH FUN!!! I have not had a drink for 8 years (well anything worth mentioning, I think every New-Year's I have one or two...) and I def. made up for it hehe!! My SIL Marie ROCKS and Aunt (er I mean sister) Lisa is so hot she can get anything she wants. Reality def. set in when Trey woke up at 8am ready for his day to begin.... Thank God Stephan didn't drink at all and I woke him up to take care of the baby, b/c had I stayed up I was going to barf :) No hangover, no throw-up =Good Times
With all of this fun we had I am def. glad to be home ;) This trip I relaxed and let other people help me with the boys, which I seldom do, and actually got some sleep -one day I slept to 1pm-shh don't tell other mom's with babies....
The boys had a great time also, but Trey brought back a bad souvenier-an ear infection (well it is actually called a distended ear), and upper respiratory infection-Poor baby!! His hurt cry is back and I haven't heard it since he recovered from his surgery, no sleep tonight I believe some cuddling is in order :)
Pics. later Stephan has to get ready for work so I get to hold Trey (he is kinda lethergic and snuggly so if I knew he wasn't hurting I would enjoy it.)