Saturday, May 23, 2009

Not good news from the neurosurgeon...

It looks like our beautiful little boy will be having surgery this week. His head growth is not slowing down and is on no type of curve, the line where they connect all measurements is straight up. This means Trey is not absorbing the fluid on his brain as he should be. He will be getting a shunt put in Thursday (this is the day the doc. told us-we are still waiting on confirmation) Trey will spend the night at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta (hopefully only one night) then home we go. Right now we need prayers for Trey through the surgery (they are going to drill a hole in his skull and insert a catheter then run tubing to his abdomen so he can pee out the extra fluid) and especially after the surgery. Infection and re-shunting is common and we are praying that is something we don't have to face. We were also told Trey will not be allowed to play football (hello have you seen this kid-he is meant to be a football player) or any type of contact sport. This catheter will be in his skull for the rest of his life, he def. needs it 'til he is at least 2 then at that point there is too much scar tissue and if we try to remove it his brain will bleed. My glimmer of hope is this surgery will relieve all the pain he is in and he will become the happy baby I KNOW he is!!
So this is all we know for now. I will keep everyone updated. Thanks for the prayers....

Monday, May 18, 2009

Glad to be home!!

I went to Chicago for four days to meet a group of girls I met online. We all have babies born in December and we all "met" while we were pregnant and felt it was time to meet in person. It was a lot of fun! I loved getting to meet these girls who I have shared EVERYTHING with for the past year and all of the babies are adorable!!! Although Trey looks like he could eat any of the babies for lunch (he is so much bigger than the tiny babies, oh how I miss the days when my baby was only 14-16 lbs...) I guess it is fitting since I am like twice the size of the other moms.

I missed Ryne so much!! I felt like he didn't miss me since he never called, but considering the fact that since I got home he has not left my side I now it is not true. His Ene (my mother-in-law) came to take care of him for me since Stephan works nights-someone has to sleep in the house with him at night, I hear you can get in a lot of trouble if you leave a 4 year old alone at night. Unfortunately she became ill and left early, but Ryne had fun with his Ene and Papaw.

I missed a very big day in Ryne's life while I was gone: His final t-ball game and the trophy ceremony. I was very sad but I didn't know the t-ball plans until I had already booked my flight for Chicago. Here are some pics Ene took of my little cutie pie!!!

His little trophy, given to him by daddy

This is how a 4 year old "slides" into home plate-too cute!!!

He is a serious pitcher!!

Thursday, May 7, 2009


It was just confirmed I have a Ryne sitter so I can go to Chicago and not worry about him-Thanks Ene!!! Ryne is so excited to see his Ene, although he is DEMANDING his Aunt Megan come too-so girl, plan accordingly :)

We went to Ryne's end of the year program at school today and it started out horribly but then went really well!! As soon as I walked in the doors to school I was bombarded with ladies who wanted to see, aka coo, at Trey. I used to work at this Christian school so they were there for me throughout my pregnancy and have been awesome support for me and my family. Anyways Trey starts his scared cry so I pick him up, then the horribleness (is that a word? well after this situation it is) began. His butt had exploed EVERYWHERE!! He had poop on his clothes, his carseat, his blankie, his toy monkey, the hanging toys from the handle-it was everywhere! So I went to clean him up and after practically a whole box of wipes I bent over to get a clean diaper out of the diaper bag and he then pees EVERYWHERE!! He has not done either of these things so I was pretty shocked and embarassed. Oh well, right!?! He is a baby and babies poop... We cloth diaper and I have never experienced anything like this, then again he is sick so his poo was not normal. Okay thats enough I am gonna puke-it was really bad :)

So we saw Ryne sing and it was adorable, he definitley likes to be the center of attention ;)

Trey has a doctors appt. tomorrow-he has been really congested and is wheezing and his inhaler is empty so we are making sure he is healthy, so we don't infect any of the sugarbabies in Chicago :)

THEN.....I finally get my hair done-I am so excited (it has been 9 months since a trim and 3 years since a style-I am way overdue :)

I am having major insecurities lately and feel like I am doing everything wrong and am unworthy of all I am blessed with, so that is what I am working on now...Wish me luck ;)

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Yesterday was not so sane....

First off Stephan left for work as normal at 10 pm on Monday night, he got home at 8am Tuesday, took care of Colby then had to go to court for some jury trial of an idiot. Trust me this guy was an idiot and there is no denying it-he said he wanted a jury trial because he could, he said he knew he wouldn't win he just wants to "waste everyone's time." So Stephan was gone at court til 6 pm Tuesday night-yes thats right he worked 20 hours straight. And in his insanity he thought he would sleep 3 hours then go back to work-that took a lot of shall we say.... persuasion to get him to realize that although he is Super Dad he still needs sleep. So to bed he went.

This meant I had to take the boys to T-ball. Up until after 5 pm Ryne did not want to go he said "I want to stay home and relax with my brother." So T-ball dropped of my to-do list, until 5:30pm (T-ball starts at 6 and is 30 min. away.) This would have been fine EXCEPT I have a baby. So I rushed around getting Ryne dressed, changng Trey and getting him dressed, preparing bottles-just in case, and trying to put on a little make-up so I don't look like I have a baby. Get the boys loaded and off we go.

We arrive 15 min. late and Ryne was asleep-Trey was wide awake playing with a stuffed monkey. I wake Ryne up put on his cleats and think "I can do this." Ummm-not so much!! The crying begins, no not from my 4 month old but from my 4 year old. He is hysterical crying saying he doesn't want to go to T-ball and he wants me to hold him. So I put the babies seat on the stroller, attach the diaperbag, grab the sports bag and pick Ryne up. I am CARRYING Ryne and *trying* to push Trey onto the field through the rocks. Ryne has a complete meltdown says his tummy hurts and wants to go home. I try to coax him into staying and we spend about 35 min. there , with me carrying Ryne and trying to keep Trey happy. I decide this is not going to happen. So I load my screaming boys up-yes at this point they are both screaming crying.

Trey has this "cry" that makes you think he is dying, it really breaks my heart but he did not want to be in his carseat-and frankly that is the only safe way to travel :) Ryne calmed down as he gets in his seat so now only Trey is crying. About 12 min. from the field I lost it and said something I am so not proud of to Ryne-I can't beleive it came out of my mouth. I told him he was the reason Trey was so upset and crying, that Trey wanted to stay at t-ball and get out of the car seat. Ryne began to cry again saying he needed to go to t-ball, he didn't want his brother upset, I began apologizing profusely and can't believe I said what I did. I knew Ryne and Trey have this bond and it would break Ryne's heart.

I finally calm Ryne down, Trey passes out and I wonder what kept me from driving off the overpass. I am not sure I should tell everyone but I want this to be an HONEST look into my life so I will say I am on Lexapro for post-partum depression. With all of Trey's medical issues and him just generally being a not so happy baby I started taking all of my stress out on Ryne. I have never been a mean mom I have always had so much patience for Ryne so I knew something was wrong, called my doctor and went on Lexapro. I believe that medicine saved Trey, Ryne, and my life last night. I was at my breaking point and I am not sure how I made it through. I felt I had no one to call, and no one would understand.

Today was better-I feel like I am recovering from being in an emotional car-wreck, and tomorrow will be so much better. Ryne has his end of the year program at school and is so excited to be singing on stage, life will be back to normal soon.....

Monday, May 4, 2009

Brotherly Love

Yesterday's blog made me sad. It made me think Trey is so much more than just a sick baby-he is the light of my life-well along with Ryne :) We are still working on my theory as to why Trey seems to get sick a lot, I will keep you upated.

I LOVE my kids!! They are so great and I am going to miss Ryne so much when I am in Chicago for 4 days. Luckily I have a lot of family support so I know he will be in good hands...once we figure out whose hands ;)-More on that later.

Ryne is in love with his brother and wants to "play" with him 24/7, and whenever Stephan or I are feeding him or changing him Ryne makes sure to tell us "just leave Trey here-I will take care of him!!" And EVERYTIME Trey sees Ryne his face lights up in the most beautiful smile. If you are a FTM or only have one child you won't understand this 'til it happens but when it does you begin to think you are doing something right. It makes me feel that in a world with so much negativity and hatred I am raising positive children who will change the world for the better. Maybe this is idealistic but it def. gets me through the day. Seeing your children love each other is quite possibly one of the most gratifying experiences in life. Don't get me wrong I know at one point in their lives they will fight like all siblings do (I am speaking from experience, my little brother was my punching bag and took the blame for everything I could think of) but when push comes to shove they will love each other and have each other's back!! Right now I KNOW my brothers would do ANYTHING for me-and that is a great feeling!!

This is playday at my house-Ryne brings all of Trey's toys to the living room and enetertains him for about an hour:
This is what I see throughout the playtime:

Aren't they beautiful!!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

When do you call the doctor?

With Ryne I had a sixth sense. SOME people thought I was out of my mind and way too paranoid but I knew when he needed to go to the doctor. And lo and behold every time we went he either had an ear infection or some type of respiratory infection.

Stephan has never needed to go to the doctor (well he has but he is a MAN and refuses-what can I do with that...)

Colby goes to the doctor when he eats a whole bag of lollipops (which he has done twice-thanks Ryne!!) or a BOX of Cinnamon Toast Crunch (yet again thanks Ryne :) I believe I have a dog with a sweet tooth-what do you think?

Trey is a whole other story-he confuses the hell out of me!! So far when I take him he just has a "cold" and there is really nothing we can do except for saline drops, humidifier blah blah blah. It really doen't help that he has an older brother that brings home all kinds of cooties from school.

But for the past week he has been sick. Full of mucus, low grade fever, recent diarrhea, crankiness, and he is so tired. So do I take him to the doctor? He HATES the doctor! As soon as we walk in the crying begins and it doen't stop 'til we are at the desk paying-seriously he already knows where we stop before leaving and that is when he begins to calm down. Trey is a difficult child to figure out. It doesn't help that he has hydrocephalus (water on the brain) which they are hoping he will grow out of, but this makes me a little more paranoid that every symptom is a "sign" the pressure on his brain is increasing. But he also has tummy issues, and we still haven't found the "perfect" formula. And yes this does help me to hate myself a little every day for not being able to breastfeed. But he is Very gassy, has reflux, and spits up a TON, and is just uncomfortable about 80% of the time. I hate that for him, and it makes me so heartbroken that I can't make him feel better.

So does he go to the doctot or do I keep him as happy and comfortable as possible and "wait" this bug out? I hate it when my babies are sick-all four of them.

Edited to post: I think I may have figured out one of Trey's problems, so I will let you know if I am right....or wrong. But for now it is a secret so I don't embarass myself :)

Here are some pictures of Trey awaiting his MRI (not the happiest day of my or his life)

Holy Cleavage Batman!!!

He finally passed out from all the crying and not being able to eat for 7 hours!

Friday, May 1, 2009

He is too smart!!

Or maybe I am too dumb, whichever it is I am raising a genius! No Not Ryne, although he is extremely intelligent, I can still trick him into doing whatever I want. I am talking about my chunky monkey Trey. Lets start by saying he is a BIG boy! At birth he was 7 lbs 8 oz and 18.5 inches, at his 4 month check-up my monster weighed 19lbs 8 oz and 27 inches!! So let me tell you my 4 month old is *about* the size of a 9-12 month old. Have I mentioned lately that my back hurts and I can beat any of you in arm wrestling. But I digress...

I was told by my pediatrician that Trey is healthy and a good size and should not be eating any more than 36 oz a day. Wouldn't you know my hungry baby eats about 40 oz, so I get this bright idea to eliminate one of his middle of the night feedings. He eats at 8:30pm goes to bed, eats again at 3am goes right back to sleep, then he eats again at about 5 am is up for an hour then eats again at 7:30-8 am. So I figure lets erase the 5am feeding, now this is not to increase my sleep but to ensure I don't have a 50lb one year old.

So I get his bottles ready for the night BUT I put 1/2-1 oz less in his bottle. Trey did not like that. This just goes to prove he eats because he is hungry NOT out of habit. He knew he was not full and screamed until I gave in and gave him the extra 1/2-1 oz. His tummy said give me 5 oz or I will make your ears bleed. Have you ever heard a baby cry at 3am-it is 40 times louder than during the day. So he still gets 40 oz and I will just have to start working out more.

How lucky am I that Stephan works at nights.....

I leave you with these pictures (I happen to love his chubby cheeks)

I do have to give props to Spiderman....