Being an adult is hard-and I don't like it :) I want the carefree days where everyone else made decisions for me-whether I liked them or not...
I am having a HARD time deciding what to do. And this is serious for me. NO ONE can make this decision for me, and I am getting opinions on boths sides of the fence. But I am not at peace with either choice.
Should I go back to work or not? I know this is the age old question for many moms (some don't have an option-unfortunately), but I just don't know what to do!?!? I LOVE being home with the boys-I want to start all of this by saying that, and I LOVE them both with all of my heart and want what is best for them.
I don't feel like myself when I am a stay at home mom (SAHM). I don't feel like I am a total human being. I am a mom and housewife-what is left for me? When I am at work I feel like I am making a huge difference-slowly but a difference none the less. I worked for Department of Children and Families as a child welfare case worker. After the kids were found to be in need of services or removed from their home for abusive reasons I helped develop a case plan, and implement it with all parties involved. It was VERY HARD work and emotionally draining-but I felt like I was keeping children safe. It was important to me. If I had a full-time job we could move into a HOUSE get a 2nd car and really not have any financial worries. Right now we have one minivan, living in a 1300 sq. ft. 3 bedroom apartment-it feels like it gets smaller everyday ;) And although we are doin"ok" financially we are on a budget and have to watch where we spend every dime.
And I feel like my boys need me. Trey has many developmental issues, and lets face it he will not get the attention he needs in most daycare settings (and due to Stephan's profession and my knowledgeable background we don't trust people to take care of our children in their home.) When I worked full-time before Trey was born (I stayed home for Ryne's first year, then I went back to work) Ryne was in daycare from 7am-6pm-that is a LONG time to be in daycare away from his family.
I have looked into working part time but there are not real positions I feel are a fit for me.
My ideal situation would be to go back to school and either get my master's in school counseling or get a second bachelor's in elementary education (my current degree is Human Services), so that I can work in the school system. Ryne starts public school next year-WOW-and Trey would be 18 months so I have a feeling he would be okay in daycare. BUT it would cost about $5000. I am not eligible for student grants or loans.
This is just a hard decision. ANY thoughts are welcomed. Even if it is to tell me to stop whining ad shut-up ;)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I know how you feel! Somedays I just have a selfish moment & think - "I want money." I want to get my hair done without feeling guilty & I want to take a vacation.I want to not worry about finances so much. But on the other hand, I don't know if I could or would even really want to put Parker in daycare. Right now I'm working on my Medical Billing & Coding degree & eventually I plan to go back to work. But for me & my family to be happy & healthy I know I need to be home as much as possible. I will probably work part time & the hours are more important to me than the job. As far as leaving Trey in someone's home, I can understand your hesitance, but there ARE good people out there. I've watched kids before & did a great job I must say. LOL So don't give up! All you can do is your best & if right now what's best is to be a SAHM then do it & when/if the time comes that it's best for you to go back to work then do that & the rest will work out! Good luck! Life has a way of happening how it's supposed to happen if you just take it one day at a time :)
ReplyDeleteHi : ) Well this is my stand point. First off I am a SAHM too. I can see what you are saying. I too feel like that. Eventhough I myself have not done this, I have thought about it. I need to make being at home with my kids a job. I should look at it as I receive a pay check for my work. I am NOT the best at this 'job'! I could keep my house cleaner and I could teach my children more. I am thinking of making staying at home more structured like a job and I am hoping that will inturn make me better at it and make me fell like I am contributing more. On another point, I'm pretty sure even if I got a job I would not be able to put my 3 kids in day care (2 full time & 1 after school)! Now I don't have a degree or anything though, but even when I made $1600 a month, I don't think I could afford day care, gas money, work clothes, etc. I'm sure most of this is all over and doesn't make much sense...and it probably doesn't apply to you either...haha! One last thing, no matter how much money you make you will have to watch what you spend. If you're a millionaire you can't just go out and buy that jet because then you may not be able to make your car payment. (My husband just told me this today). So for me, I am going to try and turn a new leaf over and do better at my 'job'. I am also right there with you on the daycare and special needs!! If you would like to join me on my quest to make staying at home a 'job' feel free to! Good Luck with YOUR decision!
ReplyDeleteTawnya,
ReplyDeleteI'd look at teachgeorgia.org or the HOPE website... I know that there are several grant opportunities for teachers who choose to serve in Title One Schools (and don't think all title ones are ghetto, just poor). You have to teach five years, but then your loans get forgiven. If you can get into a MAT program (Brenau has one, that's my old undergad) some might offer onsite daycare/pre-school for Trey. They usually hire their students who are education majors so that's a plus for me.
Don't be afraid to call some local schools and see who has the best financial aid available or who is willing to work with you. Remember, they want you to come there so they'll work with you.
Hope this is helpful and I'll be thinking of you as you make this decision.
Kati
It is funny, because I have kind of the opposite problem. I had to go back to work part time, and even though I work from home, I feel like a failed SAHM. I *want* me to be defined by my mommy-hood rather than a job.
ReplyDeleteAre there any classes at a local community college you could sign up for to go towards your degree? Maybe if you took just one class for now, you could work it into your budget, it'd get you out of the house, and it wouldn't put Trey in daycare for too long. Just a thought! Good luck : )
Thanks for the input girls. I think it is helpful to know there are other moms going through this.
ReplyDeleteClaire I am totally with you-I want to be able to do stuff and not feel guilty also ;) And I am sure there are good in home providers, I think I hide behind my excuse of not trusting people so that I wouldnt feel guilty to have some other mom raise my kids and probably be better at it than me. Wow-hello self-awareness!!
Kiersten, that is a great way to look at it!! I think I am going to try to schedule my day better and stick to the schedule (and NOT forget to schedule a little facebook/online time for my sanity :) I'll let you know how it works-keep me updated on how you decide to do it!!
Kati-Thanks so much for the info.-I will def. look into everything you posted!! Have you heard of Western Governor's University? They claim to be accredited (sp?) and you can work through the program at your own pace but it takes an average of 18 months to get a bachelor's in early education. It just sounds too easy to go through them, I just don't know anyone who has graduated there.
Thanks again for the information and support Girls-I really appreciate it!!
I think you are doing a wonderful job as a SAHM. :-) I went back to work part time when Jacob was 3 months (had to because of unemployment). I HATED it! Not only did I hate my job (although I knew it inside and out) but I hated leaving my son with my mother. I love my mom and know she takes good care of him. But working was causing me MORE stress than not working and not having money. Im in the same boat. I know that if I went back to work I could pay off our debts faster. But what purpose is that going to serve? Because if it ends up being harmful to me or my son, its really not helping. Our apartment isn't much smaller than yours (900sq feet and two bedrooms).
ReplyDeleteYou're right, no one can make this choice for you. I know for me its worth it to take a look at our income and our outgoing and see where I can cut costs.
I know you will do whatever is best for you and your family. Beautiful picutre btw.
I understand where you are coming from. I quit my job after having Olivia, and it was a hard decision. I had a prestigious career making 6 figures, but I realized that jobs/careers will always be there. Your babies won't always be little. The most important job in the world is forming little human beings into responsible, capable adults who contribute to society. Nobody can do your job as well as you, and don't ever forget that! Those little boys need you. You can't ever pay someone to love them as much as you. I know the days get long and monotonous sometimes. I miss having a lavish lifestyle of not worrying about money, being able to go on fancy vacations at the drop of a hat, and wear designer clothes. I also realized that when I'm on my death bed none of those things will matter. What will matter is the relationship I have with my children and husband. Take heart, and know that you ARE making a difference every day. You may not see it, but I promise you are. The hardest job in the world is that of a stay at home mommy, but I have no doubt you are doing a fantastic job. Be encouraged, my friend!
ReplyDeleteOlivia's mommy-you made me cry-Thank you for putting it all into perspective :)
ReplyDeleteWhat would I do without you girls? I Love you guys!!
Sometimes I feel like I am NOT doing a good job-I blame Ryne's tantrums, whining, lack of listening and Trey's developmental issues, and medical problems-on my lack of knowing what the heck I am doing!! Sometimes I think if they were in daycare I could blame them, and it wouldn't Really be my fault-That is hard to admit!!
Dearest Tawnya. You are not alone. I stayed home with William for the first year and a half and it was hard. I remember you telling me that it was way more difficult to stay home than go to work. Very few moms know what they are doing even under the healthiest of circumstances. You are doing a magnificent "job" raising your children and staying home. I was lucky enough to be able to go back to school and do what I think was best for myself and my family. It isn't easy but it is very fulfilling. Your children will be very proud of you and you would be setting an great example for them. If you can find a place that works for you to place trey then you should definitely take this time to go back to school. I can't imagine the stress you deal with everyday with Trey's medical diagnoses, which he will live with forever, I am blessed, but I do know what it is like to live with a disease that must be managed every second of everyday. I feel the need to point out that his hydrocephalus will always be there, It may or may not get better, he will go through times when it will be worse and it opens him up to all sorts of issues, that is a constant. You cannot let it rule you, or him or your family.He will eventually grow bigger and stronger and go to school and high school and college, and G-D willing out into the world as the wonderful person that you raised. Sadly we cannot be there to catch every fall or clean every sniffle and tear, we do have to trust that we choose the right places to send our children for their daily care and socialization. It is difficult to trust when we are bombarded by stories of places that were horrid. I think you deserve to "better yourself" which is a silly term since you are already one of the best people I know. You deserve to feel personally fulfilled, not just as a mother, but as a wife, and a woman, and a spiritual and emotional person. I do not think it is selfish at all. You need to feel these things or you may grow to resent yourself, life, children, marriage. I do not feel this is about the money at all for you but a longing to do a little more, to feel whole, and sustained. You do an amazing thing for your children by staying home but what about for you? You can give that up only for so long. I am a huge proponent(?) for personal happiness. If you are happy, and emotionally satisfied your children will see that and follow. This works, obviously, if one is a good person etc etc etc. There are programs out there for people to go back to school and tons of people are doing it right now to prepare for their future. If you can manage it, and find a safe place for Trey, I think you should. even one class would be great, many are online. which would be great. It is very brave and tough decision. Whatever decision you make will be a great decision. ALso you could check with your pediatrician or neurologist for childcare options, they may have a suggestion, or you could try hydrocephalus support groups in your area to see how other moms who work, or go to school etc do it. Don't doubt yourself, you are a fantastic mom and woman!!!!
ReplyDelete